Nov
13th
Tue
13th
I'll See You, Pascal, and Raise You My Immortal Soul
The other day, I passed a car that had a “What You Do With Jesus Christ Determines Where You Spend Eternity” bumper sticker and, like most bumper stickers and the philosophies that fit on them, it was distressingly short on specifics. So I did some research — man, Google is getting good — and came up with the following definitive, ecclesiastically guaranteed resolutions to various behaviors:
| Stuff and mount over fireplace | Barstow, CA |
| Get to second base | Freezer of a 7-Eleven |
| Eat (non-transmogrified version) | Bathroom |
| Hang out, maybe play some video games | Jesus’s parents’ den |
| Use as the subject of smug, morally superior bumper stickers | Hell |
| Embrace as the Savior | Dead, just like everybody else |